Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
