I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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