My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
wow bdsm is so cute
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
