...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
