when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
