At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
