Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
