i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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