Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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