Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
