We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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