sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I supernannyed him into submission
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
