She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
