Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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