Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
