she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
