Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
