My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
