omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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