Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
