Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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