Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
