Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
