Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
