i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
