why didn't you poke me back
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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