I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize