my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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