He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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