i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
