As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
