So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
