guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
