matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i came on her dog
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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