watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
