So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
