Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
