why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
