Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
