so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
