The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
