remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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