HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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