the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
