Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
