i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
