This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
