The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
