My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
