Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
