I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
