C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
