Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
