shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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