id be glad to
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
