____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
