This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
