I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
