Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
