Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
