did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
