I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
