i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
