i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
