my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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