The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
