and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
