Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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