Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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