I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
