i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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