Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
