angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
