Please, let me fuck your mom
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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