maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
