Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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