Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
