Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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