You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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