So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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