She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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