so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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