I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
