And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
